Thursday, January 10, 2013

Food Processing Rage

I now interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post for a rant. A rant about food processors. Yes, really.

I like safety. Really, in general, I approve of improvements designed to keep me from injuring myself and others. I can use all the help I can get in that department. That being said, why, oh why, must some series of tiny plastic bits align perfectly to depress a safety button to allow me to turn on my food processor? It's like it all was designed by Rube Goldberg. I'm surprised it doesn't involve the use of marbles and chutes a'la the truffle shuffle scene from Goonies. Think I'm exaggerating? Look at this.

If any of those tiny plastic bits are even a little bit off, then when I turn on the switch - nothing happens. I cannot express the amount of impotent rage this makes me feel. And here's the thing - those bits have nothing to do with actual safety. It's not as though that little spring in there is keeping the blade in place and without it the kitchen turns into a bloodbath filled with finger bits and shattered dreams of salsa.

As far as i can tell, all of that nonsense is there to make sure you have the lid on.

So now, upon this realization, I feel not only enraged, but also insulted. I wonder how those geniuses of safety would feel if they knew I actually hold a knife, with an uncovered blade *gasp*, in my hand *oh no*, to cut things *get the smelling salts*. I'm pretty sure if they had their way every knife would come with safety measures that would involve a hamster wheel, three pulleys, a marble and a water wheel. Strike that. Every knife would be in a locked box that could only be opened upon completion of the board game Mouse Trap. You know. For safety.

What has this got to do with knitting? Simply this - without knitting I would be the crazy lady outside heaving tomatoes and jalapeƱos into a wood chipper screaming about salsa and food processors.

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